About leaving

To leave Budapest was not easy, the last day was pretty tough. That moment when you say goodbye to those people who loved you and that you are quite certain you won't see them again in the same circumstances, that moment is when you really want to cry and when indeed you cry. I did, I cried when I was alone in my flat, I cried like a child with deep sadness when all my material belongings where packed into 3 luggages, when I realized my time and my life in Budapest were over.

Since a while ago I'd been preparing myself for that step, I'd seen how hard it could be and the crisis you can fall in after leaving. In Budapest you get used to say goodbye to people, and sadly but honestly, to forget about them a little bit. This is the way it works there, the city moves at a rhythm that doesnt allow you to think much nor to do much besides enjoying life.

I've thought a lot about it, and I think the sad part about leaving Budapest is not precisely that you won't see again the city or your friends. I'm sure I'll see them again someday somewhere and I'm sure I'll be back there. But what will never be back for me are the circumstances in which I lived there. The city, the friends (who become your family), the job, the housing routine, the age, the goals, the opportunities,...the mixture between all those things were what changed my life and what made my time in Budapest the best time in my life so far. And I have to accept that it won't happen again.

So what I can say about leaving that city is that: Budapest, in that meaning, has died for me.

Which doesn't mean I don't love it anymore, or that I forgot about it, just that I have to accept it as thought a beloved one passes away.

And as it's said in my country "El muerto al hoyo y el vivo al baile" (the dead one to the hole and the living one to the party). I just have to look forward, and be grateful for what I had.